This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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