all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
