Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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