i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
