i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
