im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
