just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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