awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Randomize
