I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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