Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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