Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
