dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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