I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
