I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
