morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
