i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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