Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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