is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
