hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
there is puke in my bra ... again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
