Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
