I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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