we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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