I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
