She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
