I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
