tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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