She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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