Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
