what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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