We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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