Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
