i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
