i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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