Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
