operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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