Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
