Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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