can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
