As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
