walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
