my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
