census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
