On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
