so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He has the fingertips of a God
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