if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
