He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
