I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
