so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
