just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
