let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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