i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i believe in u and ur pee
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
