That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
