I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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