We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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