when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
