she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
