Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
