You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
