you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
