I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
