My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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