im having a threesome with these popsicles
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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