Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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