I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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