Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
