Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
