I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
